life is not a hollywood romantic comedy

to be honest if life was like that then it would be pretty dull, nothing really exciting and what would you do after you walked off in the sunset with your so called beloved?
of course i want the great surprises and what not but where i am now i dont want. ever felt so lost you dont know whats going on? just sat there and waiting for people to walk past, life breezes past, as you clutch on and hope it will all be ok soon enough.
you smile, you laugh, you enjoy but are you really there? if you could explain whats going on it would be easier but even that can't be done, its something that can't be put in words.
do you just want a tag around your neck? i belong to? but no you want to be different, you want to be yourself. you search for peace but thats a rare commodity. may be its just the hype, the lack of thought and foolishness though you know something is missing. your mind is changed by small things and you're made to feel stupid and low. but you weren't like that before. then again before you didn't have this issue. are people walking away from you? and you have to grasp? to have small moments of happiness you want to grasp. do people realise that may be its time to think about others? the old lady slaves away for her children but her children never appreciate it and live in their dreams. of course she doesn't want a debt repayment but some gratitude and someone thinking of doing the chores for her would be fantastic.
may be this is a myth, a make believe world cluttering the mind. yes there is some truth and peace there to make you whole again. but then even after the soothing feeling of that why are you still broken? tired? and shattered?
life has been put in perspective yet it hurts you for some reason. you have everything but...
what is missing? lost?
but not found?
if life was a romantic comedy, the issues would be solved in due course and you would laugh at this holding a glass of wine and sat infront of a fire with your friends. and may be even find mister right.
alas life is not a romantic comedy.

new year

the start of a new year,
time to wipe the slate clean,
start once again.
trying to scrub away things of regret.
times of stupidity.
but will the new year change anything?
is it just cliched?
an excitment with no purpose.
you just get older.
things change.
things get lost.
things may never return.
but yet people stand hand in hand
looking at the stars
watching the clock hands
tick tock
tick tock
the lights explode
people burst out in song.
whats changed?
nothing..

tarnished and broken. the mind spinning. tangles like black yarn. knots are stuck. the fingers work away at undoing them. concentration is null. reading text. the letters float infront of eyes. ouch paper cuts. blood runs along. flows more like. seeps through the page. dries a deep red colour. didnt know it was still like that. grab a pen. scribble. scratch away. does it make sense?
slow songs play in the background. tunes fill the air. yet the pain felt in them. why do thoughts flit like butterflies.
wasn't like this before. whats changed? for what reason?
confusion circles.
tight concentric circles.
but there's nothing to be sad about.
so why like this?
you figure.

butterfly

can you paint me a butterfly,
with colours that no has seen?
can you paint me a butterfly,
which can reach the sky?
can you paint me a butterfly,
which can fly backwards?
can you paint me a butterfly,
which i can call my flutterby?
can you paint me a butterfly,
which can rest my wishes on its wings?
can you paint me a butterfly,
which can make my dreams twinkle?
can you paint me a butterfly,
which is the slight breeze in the night?
can you paint me a butterfly,
which can make me smile?
can you paint me a butterfly,
which can take me to the otherside?
can you paint me a butterfly,
which can mend my broken wings?
can you paint me a butterfly,
which can draw a rainbow?
a rainbow of colour,
an escape from reality,
the reality which is the contradiction,
the bitterness of acid,
shattering those frozen happiness,
carried by my hands.

empty

cold and alone,
the lights flicker
on and off.
just like the state of mind.
lost in the wilderness,
trailing around the bushes.
hands try to grasp,
clutch, clasp,
nothing.
just empty.
heart beats..
faster,louder.
blood pulsates.
air gushes in,
but the lungs are full for the last time.
the heart beats for the last time.
the desperate grasp.
the last thought.
the end.

eyes wide open

“We live in a wonderful world that is full of beauty, charm and adventure. There is no end to the adventures that we can have if only we seek them with our eyes open.”-

jawaharlal nehru

why dont we open our eyes? and see what is actually around us?
see beyond the darkness we often encounter and grasp what is there?
i met some children this year.innocent.pure.and their eyes twinkle with the adventures they hold
in their hands.thats how big their world is but they are happy.
why aren't we?

questions

Standing away from the world,
eyes shy of what has gone,
yet confused to what has come.
The senseless making sense.
The crossword solved.
Hidden faces, hidden emotions.
Will they speak up?
And the truth be known?
Lost she stands..
The map blown from her hands.
May be that's what they wanted.
As their hushed voices rose,
surrounding her as a whirlwind,
yet mute to her ears..