miss biyani has arrived

life is not a hollywood romantic comedy

2009-01-22T01:32:00.000-08:00

to be honest if life was like that then it would be pretty dull, nothing really exciting and what would you do after you walked off in the sunset with your so called beloved?
of course i want the great surprises and what not but where i am now i dont want. ever felt so lost you dont know whats going on? just sat there and waiting for people to walk past, life breezes past, as you clutch on and hope it will all be ok soon enough.
you smile, you laugh, you enjoy but are you really there? if you could explain whats going on it would be easier but even that can't be done, its something that can't be put in words.
do you just want a tag around your neck? i belong to? but no you want to be different, you want to be yourself. you search for peace but thats a rare commodity. may be its just the hype, the lack of thought and foolishness though you know something is missing. your mind is changed by small things and you're made to feel stupid and low. but you weren't like that before. then again before you didn't have this issue. are people walking away from you? and you have to grasp? to have small moments of happiness you want to grasp. do people realise that may be its time to think about others? the old lady slaves away for her children but her children never appreciate it and live in their dreams. of course she doesn't want a debt repayment but some gratitude and someone thinking of doing the chores for her would be fantastic.
may be this is a myth, a make believe world cluttering the mind. yes there is some truth and peace there to make you whole again. but then even after the soothing feeling of that why are you still broken? tired? and shattered?
life has been put in perspective yet it hurts you for some reason. you have everything but...
what is missing? lost?
but not found?
if life was a romantic comedy, the issues would be solved in due course and you would laugh at this holding a glass of wine and sat infront of a fire with your friends. and may be even find mister right.
alas life is not a romantic comedy.

new year

2009-01-04T07:08:00.000-08:00

the start of a new year,
time to wipe the slate clean,
start once again.
trying to scrub away things of regret.
times of stupidity.
but will the new year change anything?
is it just cliched?
an excitment with no purpose.
you just get older.
things change.
things get lost.
things may never return.
but yet people stand hand in hand
looking at the stars
watching the clock hands
tick tock
tick tock
the lights explode
people burst out in song.
whats changed?
nothing..

2008-10-07T03:45:00.000-07:00

tarnished and broken. the mind spinning. tangles like black yarn. knots are stuck. the fingers work away at undoing them. concentration is null. reading text. the letters float infront of eyes. ouch paper cuts. blood runs along. flows more like. seeps through the page. dries a deep red colour. didnt know it was still like that. grab a pen. scribble. scratch away. does it make sense?
slow songs play in the background. tunes fill the air. yet the pain felt in them. why do thoughts flit like butterflies.
wasn't like this before. whats changed? for what reason?
confusion circles.
tight concentric circles.
but there's nothing to be sad about.
so why like this?
you figure.

butterfly

2008-09-30T03:16:00.000-07:00

can you paint me a butterfly,
with colours that no has seen?
can you paint me a butterfly,
which can reach the sky?
can you paint me a butterfly,
which can fly backwards?
can you paint me a butterfly,
which i can call my flutterby?
can you paint me a butterfly,
which can rest my wishes on its wings?
can you paint me a butterfly,
which can make my dreams twinkle?
can you paint me a butterfly,
which is the slight breeze in the night?
can you paint me a butterfly,
which can make me smile?
can you paint me a butterfly,
which can take me to the otherside?
can you paint me a butterfly,
which can mend my broken wings?
can you paint me a butterfly,
which can draw a rainbow?
a rainbow of colour,
an escape from reality,
the reality which is the contradiction,
the bitterness of acid,
shattering those frozen happiness,
carried by my hands.

empty

2008-09-28T15:50:00.000-07:00

cold and alone,
the lights flicker
on and off.
just like the state of mind.
lost in the wilderness,
trailing around the bushes.
hands try to grasp,
clutch, clasp,
nothing.
just empty.
heart beats..
faster,louder.
blood pulsates.
air gushes in,
but the lungs are full for the last time.
the heart beats for the last time.
the desperate grasp.
the last thought.
the end.

eyes wide open

2008-09-16T04:06:00.000-07:00

“We live in a wonderful world that is full of beauty, charm and adventure. There is no end to the adventures that we can have if only we seek them with our eyes open.”-

jawaharlal nehru

why dont we open our eyes? and see what is actually around us?
see beyond the darkness we often encounter and grasp what is there?
i met some children this year.innocent.pure.and their eyes twinkle with the adventures they hold
in their hands.thats how big their world is but they are happy.
why aren't we?

questions

2008-09-11T04:39:00.000-07:00

Standing away from the world,
eyes shy of what has gone,
yet confused to what has come.
The senseless making sense.
The crossword solved.
Hidden faces, hidden emotions.
Will they speak up?
And the truth be known?
Lost she stands..
The map blown from her hands.
May be that's what they wanted.
As their hushed voices rose,
surrounding her as a whirlwind,
yet mute to her ears..

past times...fun times!

2008-09-08T11:40:00.001-07:00

reading my cousins blog about a party she went to brought back memories of the many parties ive been to, especially house parties!

2 nights before biology as-level exams..summer 2005-what an earth was i doing at a house party?how they hell did i convince mumma to let me be here?!so confused!but i was there...as were two couples snuggling in seperate corners of the room...everyone else trying to make meaningless conversation...arrival of the boys with the alcohol..white star..why why?the most chavtastic drink that exists on the other hand a bottle of the real russian vodka..made to perfection *so reads the label*..one swig burns my insides..*note to self-avoid the drink*.
the random natter continues and the party seems a bore...until we realise the true effects of alcohol in underage drinkers who have binged :).
greg starts to feel sick...a drunk tim helps him out of the room...we stand in the garden.cold.force feeding greg bread.before i know it i'm pulling greg out...he is now part of the bushes.
tim decides to sip on his southern comfort.splatters out his speech on his importance.olivia gets annoyed and throws his southern comfort in the washing bowl.who cares...he continues to drink it from the washing bowl...marking that there's a new flavour *raised eyebrow*.
go to the bathroom to discover phil is asleep in the bath tub..interesting..how to go and pee!
sudden noise..and the neighbours are out..a lil sweet talk with tim telling the girls to push their chests out *classy touch*
greg now inside a bucket, emptying his insides.....niceeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.thrown into a taxi and sent home...not sure if he actually made it!
home time too...i think i may now only know stockholm syndrome..who cares about genetics!or the persons house we have just trashed :).

fancy dress,new years 2005-im a fairy!yayness!i have a wand,a crown and lots of glitter.arent i the special one.the bell rings and santa is at my door, we drive away in piere.arrive at the house to find the blues brother, and their long lost sister,robin hood,raf pilot,karate kid and plenty other randomers.open bar..now we're talking new years party!alcohol and minor crush..not best combination..not on this night.getting hit on by mr sleaze..demeaning.sat upstairs with santa reading karma sutra out..wonder what his gf thinking right now.the dog going insane,someone throws him a beer *drunken dog*.queen on now..everyone goes wild..dancing and prancing..someone hand the bottle of champagne..the clocks ticking..10..9..8..7..6..5..4..3..2..1....fireworks,happiness,smiles...then the moment of regret,forgotten or atleast etched out..seen by the one..the one who shouldnt..the moment of downfall..the loss of trust..the start of tears...happy new year.

results out,graduation from school.summer 2006-officially the class of 2006.we head to conors house..swimming pool...pool party!bbq...what could i ask for...friends..music..alcohol..jump into the pool, splash!swimming, fighting..swimming in champagne!sat around on the sofas..chatting..dancing..eatting..carefree..shouldnt it be like this all the time?instead of the endless rut we are all stuck in..
clunk, crash...shit the drunkards have attacked the glasses!need to sober down!the rest are sipping at the never ending stock of wkd..we sit in the kitchen sipping at cups of tea...for some reason its perfect..we laugh..joke..old times..for old times sake..
then running stream of people, the garden is on fire!ahh the usual occurances at the house parties! a can of deo on fire and a huddle observing the flames.....we sit and watch the sparks twinkle in the sky...simple...

birthday party,calcutta, summer 2008-10 mins.. mad rush to get ready, where are my clothes, what do i wear?my hair..shittt...bro when we going?run, get the taxi, do we have the chewing gum?gariahaat..meet the rest..who knows where we're going?the map isn't helpful..whose getting the drinks?pay up dudes..whose going on the bike?whose doing the taxi?jump in. jahan riding on the bike..stylised for films not calcuttas roads!we actually get to the place..look up people waving from windows!think we got there ok.raghav run across we need the fags.upstairs we go..the rest take the other staircase to no where!open the door to a night of madness!sat around darkness expect the few lamps that lit the faces..drinks in hand..bro hands me his drink..pure vodka..woah!sweet dude!two drinks down...what i am saying to everyone..im not actually sure!wheres churiwal?no where..lets ring her up says jahan..i speak..or more shout...ooops!the mad rendition of pappu cant dance saala..but wordings replaced!then we dance..arjun,raghav decide to skid.we all topple..big heap on the floor!laughter..giggles..smiles!get up..only to fall back down again!on the sofa,being fed by amba..everyone gets a bite...the boys ask have we ever done girl on girl..we're not that drunk yet dears..or are we??someone hands me watered down pepsi..they thought it was rum..ohhhhhh dear!!two locked in a bathroom puking..people gettin high and ashes on my jeans *ouch*..{hips dont lie} playing..swaying and again we fall, pulled away..be a good girl im told..holding hands..all lying on the bed...but is it home time now?maybe soo..bye to everyone..kisses and hugs..clamber into the car...pause on the bridge..they fall out..silence..calcutta at 1am..beautiful...serene...a slight breeze..watch..glance...the end to somewhat a perfect night...

some moments of some memories...some friends..some happiness..some laughter..some perfection

hidden

2007-09-09T10:53:00.000-07:00

Gone from vision,
A sweet dream inside,
Held closely away from prying eyes,
A shattered mass.
The frozen rainbow,
Vanished,
Like the air I now hold.
Those sparkles,
Shining through you,
So perfect,
Flawless.
Or was it a mirage?
Did I just imagine it?
Disappearing into a black hole.
Hidden from me,
Hidden from sight,
Hidden from the distance inside.

missing

2007-09-07T07:35:00.000-07:00

sat around me many faces, smiling, surprised, joyous, playful...the places so familar like i was there not long ago.nothings changed just time tends to move along yet these photographs capture the moment and make it a statement of time.
people once here within touching distance, no longer exist, never to be met again. is this what life is? you hear stories about them, you touch everything that once breathed of them but they are still missing like a dark shadow in frame of now.
taking a family picture, you wonder where there essence is now? does it live within us?no one is immortal we get, but the fear of losing someone is yet eternal. why in life do we build these relationships which one day will be wiped clean like the board at school? the cycle starts to repeat again and now you've moved up the ladder, yet we miss those days, maybe should be able to pause those moments and relive them, maybe this movie shouldnt end, maybe the curtain should never fall.
maybe there shouldnt be a 'the end'
or a fullstop ..

what to say?

2007-08-20T21:53:00.000-07:00

lack of direction,
in miscommunications,
random speeches, taking no meaning.
lost with frustration fuming,
a white light blinking.
time running out,
the sand now all dry,
crystal frozen flames burn.
handed a map,
tattered at one corner,
the path leads to nowhere,
coming full circle, to nothing.
the story repeats as always,
never 'the end'.

yes a very random trail of thoughts, dont really think it can be classed as a poem... but dunno open to interptation....

2007-02-11T05:01:00.000-08:00

ok spelling mistake :P 'enthralled'!!

well the first one of them all

2007-02-11T04:46:00.000-08:00

i'd first say thanks to kaushik who got me back to this crazy world of writing! as now people will have to put up with my shit! i can see many will be 'entralled' by this!
currently in the process of finishing uni coursework, watching the oc..ooo and completing this..multi tasking..fancy!
as i watch the oc..i find an escape from the reality, definately a way to forget a few woes. but all those pretty people coated in orange, living in wait a min..ORANGE county, at times you envy them, not a care in the world and a bank balance to boot! it's not like things like this only remain on the television, uni is the perfect place to spot this with the rich southern females! us common northerners look very much in disgust at how they all form an 'elite' group (reminds you of Mean Girls!) and have every man chasing them in the world...is that really what men are after? a bank balance and some fake plastic girl? does puzzle you...as may be by having a personality and something present in our heads we've put our lives to waste?! wonder if one day they may see some sense, but i guess the bootttifool male hormones have an answer for that!
maybe valentines day at good old med school will show this again, as the orange girls with too much blush, will be clad with roses from their many shallow admirers.....meh